What are you doing for Christmas? It’s the most-asked question at this time of year, followed by a number of questions we ask ourselves:

Who are we going to spend the holidays with? Shall we buy presents or attend to the person's needs? To buy or not to buy these objects? To offer to help or not to offer to help? To cook or not to cook? What is for dinner? (Well, the last one we ask more often, I would say ;)

So many questions, and therefore so many decisions to take. Keeping in mind that everyone has their own approach to celebrate, or not, Christmas, here are 3 general aspects to consider, so we can make better-informed holiday decisions.

1.     Who do I want to spend Christmas with this year, and why?

Christmas is widely considered a holiday for spending time with our families. The question here is: with which part of the family? Parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, cousins, the family in law, that distant cousin who lives in an exotic place … there are plenty of options and the answer is yours – starting with WHY I want to spend my Christmas with these people, and how I hope this will make it a joyful experience.

2.     How can I be present for others while also attending my own needs and maintaining healthy boundaries?

Spending time with loved ones is always a pleasure. We are curious about what happens in their lives, what the news is, and what happened with that idea they wanted to work on the last time we met. We are present, attentive to their needs, sharing love and joy. As this is a highly rewarding experience, it is also quite energy-intensive (feel free to disagree here).

While writing this, the title of a 1980s song by Queen called “Too Much Love Will Kill You” came to mind. It was about something not related to Christmas at all, given the love and affection we are expected to experience during the Christmas holiday season. And yet, being among the most emotionally charged periods of the year, it contains a wide spectrum of emotions. Some people are surrounded by love, joy, and happy moments. Others are going through tough times of loneliness, sadness, and despair. Or maybe we all go through both extremes in a subtle way in one moment or another during that period.

Regardless of your unique situation, make sure to create some space and time for yourself. Space and time to recharge your emotional batteries, ground yourself in your values, and make sure you embrace that part of you that celebrates you in a way that works best for you.

3.     What shall I bring? Christmas presents, good vibes, and being attentive to the other person's needs?

Finding the perfect gift is one of the most challenging and overwhelming experiences of the year, at least for me. Hesitating between buying something, with the risk it will not be appreciated, and giving a card with a certain amount of cash (a "buy what you want" kind of message) has been a constant dilemma. What to do? We can always ask, you would say, and then realise that the times people know what they want are rare. Attention: I am not talking about those pages with stickers that they have in toy shops; you give your children a sticker to choose, and you end up with 50 stickers on your children’s card to Santa. Really, do not do this at home!

However, let us return to our current dilemma. As we never know what will make the other person happy, we ask: What would you like to have for Christmas? If the answer is like in the song-"you!" – that is the easy one, or not, all depends, of course. If the answer is about a specific gift, we are happy and just go for it. The answer might also be time – help me with babysitting and offer me free time to spend a nice evening out, or save me time by helping me to choose that equipment I have wanted to buy for some time now, or save me time by helping me to finish that project I have been working on for months. The tricky part is the answer – I don’t know. You decide. – What do you do? Present or Cash? That is the question. The decision is difficult and unique in every case, so I will leave it to you.

For the record, being present with good vibes and bringing chocolates (as a present) are always welcome. 

Magic Holiday Season to Everyone!

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